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07-03-2006, 09:27 AM
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Need opinion about internet love
I spent 3 months talking to a guy that I met on line. We instantly clicked and talked everynight for 3-6 hours. He said I was his soulmate and I begin to fall in love with him. He didn't know how overweight I was and when we finally met everything changed FOR HIM. I was still very much attracted and in love with him, but he emotionally shut himself off. After spending the weekend at his house I went home feeling very sad. We slept in the same bed and cuddled, but he didn't even try to kiss me or anything. Once I got home he emailed me and said that I am not "his type" and that he wants to be friends. He admitted the weight had a lot to do with his change of heart. I am devastated because I still feel the same deep feelings for him. I can't believe he would judge me like this. He said he loved me and that I was his soulmate. And now he just wants to be my buddy. He is very encouraging about losing weight and said he will be supportive. I asked him if he would ever consider dating me and he said he didn't know. If he had genuine feelings for me would the weight matter? I am the same person inside. I know I have to lose weight (currently I weigh 338 and should only weigh 150). I like the fact that he still wants me in his life and wants to still spend time with me. But I am hurt that the emotions and physical part are dead now. Should I still be friends with him and just focus on improving myself? Or should I tell him to go to hell? Any opinions would be appreciated. This is really keeping me up at night. I don't want to lose him, but I feel resentment towards him for judging me.
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07-04-2006, 06:42 AM
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hi Snugglelicious...I'm very sorry for what happened with this guy. In a way I can understand his reaction because he didn't really know that you was like that and you can not blame him for that. But I think that he should not have tell you that you were is soulmate and things like that if he has never see you. The relationship by internet will always be a problenm in fact! And you too you did some errors by falling in love with a guy you know only since three months..it's very short! All this to tell you that this guy is still nice with you if he wants to be your friends and tell you that he will be there to encourage you to lose weight. I see that very nice from him no? Would you expect something like that from him... He will help you and be there for you and you will do this diet because you love him and want to be with him. It's very nice, because now you want to reach a goal and for a good reason!! He knows now what kind of peron you are and that he appreciates you like you are. But now it's up to you...because you can lose some weight and maybe he will accept to go out with you or you can stay yourself and be only friend to him! It's your choice and I wish you all the best!
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07-04-2006, 08:02 AM
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Take it easy! Some guys like to have slim girl friends but he has been honest to tell you that you were too fat but he still wants to be friend, he still wants you to be in his life. Do if you really want him to be your boyfriend, why don't you get on a strict diet?? i think you should do it if you really want him
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07-05-2006, 05:45 AM
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He has be honest with you and it's the most important thing...I don't believe in this online dating with a guy foer long time and it's after that you will meet him. I don't see that safe..this is why i'm not really astonished by your story. For sure i'm very sad for you but i will just tell you to lose weight for him if you are sure that he will want to go out with you after. Don't do that for him, but only for you.
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07-05-2006, 11:12 AM
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dear snugglelicious...don't you see this guy is just taking you for a ride?!!!! he calls you his soulmate and the minute he sees you he starts calling you friend!!!!!! he firstly saw the person you are within, a really beautiful person, but he couldn't deal with the simple fact that you're fat?! so what?!!! you're still a beautiful as ever!!! he lied to you and used you emotionally and wanted you to be a real physical babe and now that he sees he can't get that out of you he turns his back on the love part of your story!!! who wants the friendship of a guy who is so shallow that he gives up on his "soulmate" just because of the pounds?!!!!
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07-06-2006, 08:00 AM
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You said he still wants you in his life, this is a good sign snugglelicious, if you really love him, you will have to change your lifestyle, take help from a dietician, do lots of hard exercises and so on for few months. Do not mind for what he said but you can use these words for your motivation and you will be very happy with the results, and you never know, seeing the change in you, he can propose to to be his girlfriend!
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07-06-2006, 12:46 PM
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Quote:
 you are advising her to lose weight for a shallow man whose love is conditional!!!!! it is not worth it. she should lose the weight if she decides to and for a man who isn't forcing her to do that!!!!! it is just not right!
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07-07-2006, 06:55 AM
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I thank all of you for your insight on this situation. As I stated before, this has been on my mind so much I can't sleep. I tend to agree more with what Monster said, because I don't think he should put conditions on his love. I am the same person inside and yet I'm not good enough to love unless I lose weight? But on the other hand, I can see his point because it is very unhealthy and unattractive to be so fat. And he could have been a total jerk and just dumped me altogether. He still wants to spend time with me and he said he wants me in his life. So it's hard for me to turn off my emotions and pretend to be happy being his friend. I have developed very deep feelings for him and I can't turn them off like a lightswitch. I know some people don't believe in internet dating. And skeptics say you can't love someone you have never met. But I did fall in love with him over the phone. Spending up to 7 hours each night talking everyday can really connect you to someone. And when we finally met I still felt the chemistry. He makes me laugh, he is smart, funny, we like the same things and we had so much fun together. I can't help that he didn't find me physically attractive. I want to lose weight anyway and I need to for my health. But should I just continue the friendship and see if he will love me when I lose the weight? I don't know, it seems that I will just have to focus on myself right now and see what time brings.
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08-23-2006, 07:59 AM
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Well I think that there was apart of truth in all your comments but I do agree more with what monster said!! This guy is a jerk and he was only expecting a slim girl to sleep with! Well such king of people can be met ob the net as well as in the normal way of life as well!!! You’ve just been unlucky and you need shouldn't lose your time with such an idiot!! You deserve much better!! We say that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder but some of them are mentally blind and their hearts easily turn to be stones when it comes to satisfy their desires.
 You have to move on and take care of yourself only!!
Last edited by Bornobese : 08-23-2006 at 08:06 AM.
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09-11-2006, 09:36 AM
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Wow he was a real jerk!! How could he dared do that to you!! It seems that he's been playing with your feelings!! What was his real problem?? How can people be so rude!! Well I agree with Bornobese!! There are actually people like these who are mentally blinded!! They are only for themselves and when they can't be satisfied they just don't care about hurting others and just do whatever they wish without thinking about the wrong that they might be doing to others!!
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